numbers

Twelve and A Half Years....
Since I lost my Maternal Grandfather. Is it possible to forget - in 12.5 years - how painful it is to consider the thought of loosing a Grandparent? I doubt I forgot, but somehow I snowed the pain with the happenings of my life.

Ten Days....
Since I had a face-to-face conversation with Grandpa Brown. Man, am I ever heavy laden with regrets.

Forty Hours...
Since tragedy struck.

Thirty-Seven Hours...
Since I found out tragedy struck. At times I hate the small town, word-spreading-like-wildfire bull shit. I will always be somewhat mad about this.

Thirty-One Hours...
Since Grandpa Brown last spoke.

Seventeen and A Half Hours...
Since I realized that there's a pretty good chance Grandpa isn't going to get better, and probably won't be coming home - to Loa, that is, anytime soon.

Six and A Half Hours...
I spent at the Hospital today, praying (under my breath) for a miracle.

Two and A Half Hours...
Of sleep is all I've gotten since we came home from the hospital. Better than most, I'm sure.

Countless...
Hours I've spent crying over the past two days. And tissues I've thrown away that have been drenched in tears and cry boogers.

Eight Children and Eighteen Granchildren...
Were at the hospital tonight - all at the same time. 95% attendance. (Dallas, however, is waiting for him on the other side.) How often does that happen? With our family - nothing less would be expected. It's just what we do, and how we do. Ya, we're that close.

Twelve Grown Men...
Stood - sobbing - over a hospital bed, which held one of their most beloved friends. It has always torn my heart out to see grown men cry.

Three Google Searches...
On the word "stroke" in the past twenty-four hours. I quickly got frustrated after each, though, because I still don't understand why this happened to him. Don't know what to expect from here either, which is another incredibly frustrating facet of this whole ordeal.


We'll miss you like crazy, Grandpa, if you can't stay here on earth with us. But, you also need to know that it's OK to go. Maybe Dallas needs a partner-angel in crime up there to help take care of business. Oh, and do me a favor - when you get where you're going please search out my future children so they have the pleasure of getting to know their "Grandpa Great." I wouldn't want them to miss that for the world. You can send down some of your firey personality, or bright blue eyes with them if you see fit. You already have your halo, go ahead... grow your wings.